


NOID

by choikwonkim



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Friendship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:55:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25462030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choikwonkim/pseuds/choikwonkim
Summary: “Seungcheol? Where are you?”“I’m here beside you Hannie.”But Jeonghan frantically opens the door of his room. Running down the stairs shouting Seungcheol’s name desperately.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 15
Kudos: 42





	NOID

“How’s your first session with Dr. Jeon, Hannie?” Seungcheol ask as he combed through Jeonghan’s hair.

The younger’s head is on his lap. Jeonghan is busy playing Animal Crossing, but the younger look up to give Seungcheol a small smile.

“It was okay. We’re still on the introduction part. He said I need to be comfortable with him before we go deep into the session.”

Seungcheol just hummed in response. He continued to combed through the younger’s hair knowing he likes it. His mind, though, wander on the years they’ve been together.

_He met a crying Jeonghan. He was crying inside his room, a rabbit doll on his right hand and a coloring book on his left._

_Seungcheol approached him slowly, making sure not to startle the little boy, he called him._

_“Hey, why are you crying?”_

_“Who are you? Why are you inside my room?” Jeonghan asked with a confused look on his face._

_“I heard you crying so I went straight to this room.” Seungcheol responded, a soft smile on his lips._

_“No one wants to play with me. I have a lot of toys to choose from but they ignore me.” Jeonghan answered with a pout, tears threatening to flow on the corner of his eyes._

_“Can I play with you? I promise I won’t leave.” Seungcheol offered, his hand reaching out to the younger._

_Jeonghan nodded eagerly. A beautiful smile is now showing, the corner of his tear stained eyes now crinkled happily._

Since then Seungcheol and Jeonghan become the best of friends. They’d love to just hang out inside Jeonghan’s room to play games.

As they grow older, Seungcheol notice how Jeonghan never introduced him to someone else. When he asks him if he have new friends, the younger just tells him he is enough. That he didn’t need someone else. At first, it makes him happy, but as time passes by, he become worried. He wants Jeonghan to explore more.

“Hannie, do you want to go outside? The weather looks nice.” Seungcheol said one afternoon. They’re lazily sitting on Jeonghan’s bedroom sofa. Jeonghan is reading his notes from school while Seungcheol is just sitting there watching the younger study.

“I’m good. You’re here already. Let’s just stay here. I don’t want to interact with people outside.”

“Okay then, do you want to eat something?” Seungcheol asked.

“Right, I prepared strawberry milk when I woke up earlier. Let me just get those. Stay here Cheollie~ Don’t disappear on me again just like last time.”

Seungcheol laughed on Jeonghan’s last remark, both hands on the air as if he’s surrendering.

When night comes, Seungcheol helps Jeonghan to bed. He loves watching the younger sleep. Also, he wants to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.

Jeonghan has nightmares every single night. He either goes out sleepwalking dangerously, or gets the nearest sharp object to scratch his skin. Seungcheol gladly prevents all of it from happening. However, there are times when he’s not around.

There was one day he saw Jeonghan screaming while looking down at his hands. The dried blood and open wounds scared the younger. Seungcheol ran hurriedly to check on it. When he asked Jeonghan where he got them, the younger only shuddered, unable to speak.

And just last week, he caught Jeonghan walking on the highway. A speeding car was about to hit him when Seungcheol quickly grabbed his wrist. Both rolled down on the side of the street. Seungcheol’s right hand is on the back of Jeonghan’s head. Protecting him from the impact. Seungcheol tried to wake up Jeonghan by tapping his face. When Jeonghan’s eyes opened, he was confused why they’re outside in the middle of the night.

Aside from that, Jeonghan also has episodes of him going on a trance. He goes a day without eating or drinking. He even ignores Seungcheol all of a sudden. As if he doesn’t see him at all. It worries the older a lot.

And that’s when he convinced Jeonghan to see someone who can help him get rid of those. At first the younger keeps on saying no, he was hesitant. However, Seungcheol was patient enough on him. He reminds Jeonghan it’s for the better and he can take it on his own pace. And because Jeonghan trusts Seungcheol, he eventually agreed.

After a week, Jeonghan is done with his second session with Dr. Jeon. He told him about the nightmares he had. He also shared about the sleepwalking and hurting himself part as what Seungcheol told him. The older made sure to retell Jeonghan the episodes he had. He wants Jeonghan to be responsible on his own so he lets him attend his sessions alone.

Seungcheol waited patiently for Jeonghan to come home. He prepared Jeonghan’s favorite strawberry shortcake with strawberry milk. He’s ready to give him a ‘job well done’ pat on his head.

“I’m home~” the younger called out happily.

He run towards Seungcheol whose arms are already wide open, welcoming the younger. The older placed a soft kiss on Jeonghan’s temple as the younger giggled. He’s happy to see Seungcheol again after hours of not spending time together.

Since Jeonghan has been comfortable with Dr. Jeon, they decided to do the sessions weekly. This means lesser time to be with Seungcheol but every time the older tells him he’s doing great, Jeonghan is more than eager to get treated. He wants to travel with Seungcheol once he gets better.

_What would it feel like to walk with him on the beach? Go on a picnic in Han River? Drive to another city?_

As more sessions went by, Jeonghan slowly become more social. He gained new friends from school. He started opening up to new people. A little more trusting.

The weekends meant for staying at home with Seungcheol become lesser too. Jeonghan who has already adjusted to his new lifestyle wasn’t able to track how less frequent they hang out.

On a Saturday night, Seungcheol visited Jeonghan. The younger is over the moon seeing Seungcheol after weeks. They binge-watch some of the missed episodes from their favorite series.

“How are you these days? You seldom visit me anymore.” Jeonghan said while pouting.

_You’re the one who forgets our hangouts, Hannie. You’re the one who seldom stays at home. When I go here, you’re nowhere to be found. Are you busy with your new friends?_ Seungcheol wants to say it but he chose not to.

“I got busy with stuffs Hannie, I can sleepover until Sunday.”

“Yay! I miss you too much. Don’t sleep on my sofa. My bed is big enough for us. So just sleep beside me, hmm?” Jeonghan said as he snuggled closer to feel Seungcheol’s warmth.

“Alright, let’s do that.”

It’s time for bed, Jeonghan is settled in looking cute in his bunny pajamas. He also lent Seungcheol his other favorite pjs which is clearly too small for the older. It’s a printed pjs with strawberries and rainbow prints. Jeonghan giggled at the sight of Seungcheol looking shy as he paddled his way to Jeonghan’s bed.

“Can’t I wear your shirt instead?” Seungcheol asked while looking down. He doesn’t want to meet Jeonghan’s eyes.

“This is a pajama party, of course you have to wear pjs.” Jeonghan grabbed Seungcheol’s wrist.

They’re now both cocooned in Jeonghan’s fluffy comforter. The younger can’t sleep without hugging a pillow, and since Seungcheol is using his, he proceeded on getting closer. Settling on Seungcheol’s arms. He placed a hand on the older’s waist and cling his leg while he snuggled closer.

Seungcheol’s heartbeat picked up. This is the closest they’ve ever been. He knows Jeonghan has a habit of hugging his pillow to sleep but he never imagined the younger to be too comfortable in physical contact with him. But a satisfied sigh escaped his lips when he heard the younger’s soft snore.

Seungcheol can’t sleep, he thought about losing Jeonghan in the process of letting him explore. This might sound selfish but he wants Jeonghan for himself. He only have Jeonghan. Yes, he was the one to ask Jeonghan to seek for help, but he himself doesn’t even bother to be with someone else. He only wants to be with Jeonghan, he wants to be there for Jeonghan all the time. When the younger calls for him, he immediately appears infront of him. He can hear Jeonghan calling for him. 

_Wait what?_ Now that he thought of it, he has always magically appear in Jeonghan’s room when feels like Jeonghan needs him. He stared at the younger, trying to figure out what is happening.

Jeonghan stirred on his sleep. He opened his eyes, only to see darkness. Seungcheol is nowhere to be found. He looked around him, he feels anxious to be left alone.

“Seungcheol? Where are you?” Jeonghan’s voice is laced with worry. His eyes full of fear as he try to get out from his comforter.

“I’m here beside you Hannie.” Seungcheol answered, confused as to why Jeonghan is looking for him. He’s lying down on his bed, he tried to reach out for Jeonghan’s hand but he can’t touch him. He tried again, and again. He groaned in frustration and shouted Jeonghan’s name.

“Jeonghan!!! Look at me! I’m here” Seungcheol is crying, his voice sound far away. He tried again to touch Jeonghan but his hand just passed through.

That’s when Jeonghan frantically opens the door of his room. Running down the stairs shouting Seungcheol’s name desperately.

Alas! Seungcheol figured it out. He only appears when Jeonghan is alone. They always meet on his room. When he first met Jeonghan it was when his playmates abandoned him.

And all those years, he never met anyone else. When Jeonghan’s parents goes to Jeonghan’s room, he thought he was just ignored, but no, no one can see him except for Jeonghan.

They built their own world. A safe bubble for when Jeonghan feels like he’s not needed. A sanctuary to make sure Jeonghan never feels alone. All of those were created in Jeonghan’s mind. He is Jeonghan’s imaginary friend. He was made out of desperation, a silent plea for a companion.

If he’s slowly leaving Jeonghan’s mind, it means the sessions with Dr. Jeon is successful. Jeonghan will never have to look for him. He wants to say goodbye for the last time but he can only be summoned by Jeonghan. And if he feels better, it’ll be impossible to appear infront of him anymore. 

A bitter smile painted on Seungcheol’s lips as the realization dawned on him. **HE IS NOT REAL, HE IS TEMPORARY. HE IS ONLY AN IMAGINARY FRIEND.** He can no longer be with Jeonghan. He’s sad and happy at the same time. The reality hit him so hard, as Jeonghan gets better, he will slowly fade away.

Jeonghan never saw Seungcheol again after that night. Jeonghan already knew about it, that Seungcheol is his imaginary friend. Dr. Jeon already told him how he has Seungcheol around because he doesn’t want to feel lonely. He’s warned that Seungcheol will disappear when he gets better. 

He wants to prolong the process of healing, to let Seungcheol stay in his life longer. There are sessions he didn't go to, he just stayed on a park to let the hours go by and return home. But when he sees how happy his mom is, he doesn’t have the heart to say no to the sessions.

He poured his heart out to Dr. Jeon, telling him the times he spent with Seungcheol from childhood up to the recent ones. Dr. Jeon was patient with him, he laughs and smiles along as he tells him all about Seungcheol. He even taught him to accept the fact that he will disappear anytime. He thought he was ready for it, but no, he broke down the night Seungcheol disappeared.

When he ran out from his room, crying, he called for Seungcheol’s name desperately. He’s not ready to let him go. His shouts woke his mom, his mother engulfed him in a hug, trying to calm him down.

It’s almost been a year since all of it happened. It still feels like yesterday for Jeonghan. He still has days where his mind wanders on what ifs and what could have beens if he never agreed to seek for help. Will Seungcheol stay with him forever? Will they grow old together?

Jeonghan is in Seoul, he’s applying for his dream university. He was busy looking for his pen inside his bag, he didn’t notice someone is running in the same direction.

As two bodies made contact, Jeonghan lost his balance. The contents of his bag spilled on the floor. Jeonghan irritatedly stuffed his things inside. Cursing inside his head how he’s already late for his interview and now this happened.

“Sorry, let me help you.” Said the unknown man.

Jeonghan stopped upon hearing the voice, he swears he heard it somewhere. Wanting to know who could it be, he look up. He froze on the spot, he's a splitting image of Seungcheol. He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath before opening them, the man is now looking down at him in confusion.

“Are you okay?” The man ask, extending his hand to help Jeonghan up.

Jeonghan wiped his hands on his pants first before holding the man’s extended hand to get up. The man giggled, finding it amusing.

“By the way, my name is S.Coups, I am the school’s student council president. I bet you’re a freshman? Haven’t seen you before.”

“Uhm yes, I’m here for an interview—oh fudge, I’m late.”

“You can still make it, just turn left on the first hallway and you’ll find the room. Goodluck, see you around the campus.”

S.Coups left with a smile. Jeonghan’s heart has been beating erratically when he saw his face earlier. It was no doubt the older looks like Seungcheol, very much. All the details on his face. As much as he wants to dwell on it, he has to ace his interview so he can take his time to know S.Coups more.

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to drop your feedback and comments.
> 
> You can also talk with me here: https://curiouscat.qa/choikwoncho


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